It's been a really big week. Last week went okay (flying solo as Cora's caretaker, though, Matt is a big help as he is working from home). I am still battling some pretty big emotional swings in regards to reacting to Cora's feedings, which are now amplified, because she does not have the NG Tube!!! So, I can't continue to push meds or calories while she sleeps. She gets what she takes by mouth and that's all there is... it's scary. I thought I would be more celebratory, but instead, I'm scared. She's really doing great, but she is still a baby with a lot of meds and with acid reflux that causes a lot of spit up and some larger vomiting too (if her belly is full). Imagine working so hard to get a large feed down her mouth and watching her throw it up. That's the emotional situation I find myself battling. Here are the highlights:
Thursday night (a week ago) - Cora pulled out her tube before her 11pm feeding. It was replaced, but maybe scraped her nose because she was inconsolable until we pulled it out. Then, she took a full feed and we decided to give her the night to rest without the tube. She woke up and ate full feeds over night. Then, Friday, she got a little lazy on me and the doctor recommended we replace the tube.
Friday and Saturday - with the tube in, she took all her feeds by mouth and we just used the tube to push meds.
Sunday (Mother's Day) - Cora had a great day and took a huge feed and as I was putting the bottle down, she vomited a HUGE amount and the force pushed up her NG tube. So, I pulled out her tube and called the doc. He recommended to leave the tube out and gave some advice for administering meds and managing her volume. It's been out since!
Tuesday - Cora had a follow-up appointment at the clinic. She weighs 4Kilos or 8lbs 12oz. This weight puts her around the 7th percentile for her adjusted age. The docs are elated with this and her progress. They basically told me to try to treat her as a normal 2 month old (with meds, of course). So, this means that I should not panic if she doesn't eat a full bottle. I should approach the feedings more calmly and try to start letting her make her schedule. I should watch her diapers and not get caught up in her numbers.
After monitoring almost every breath that she takes and every milliliter that she eats, administering 20 doses of meds a day, it is impossible for me to switch gears. I am reminded of the stark contrast between Stella and Cora. Stella breast fed for 100% of feedings before I went back to work, so I had no idea how much she was getting. I let her sleep as long as she wanted and never woke her to feed her. Breast milk was the only thing that went into her mouth (other than her thumb). Stella NEVER spit-up. I want to be the relaxed, calm and happy mom for Cora that I was for Stella. I hope to get there soon! I am going to start doing the relaxation exercises that the NICU social worker set-up for me... breathe!
Same day, Tuesday - I race from Cora's appointment to take Stella to the dentist. Unfortunately, Stella has enamel hypoplasia in 2 of her molers on the bottom. She needed to have crowns placed. For the past 2 months, we've been dealing with Stella's dental issues. The first dentist we saw wanted to take her to the OR, put her under general anesthesia and place the crowns. The second dentist we saw suggested the Hall method to place the crown over the tooth without drilling, in the office - SOLD. Not only was the experience with the second dentist so much better (Stella just responded to Dr. John), but the treatment recommendation was much more palatable. Stella did awesome and now sports two shiny silver crowns, which we are saying she has "royal teeth." She's such a big girl!
I mean, dealing with all this would make any mom neurotic, right? I also still claim the fact that I'm providing breast milk for Cora (another emotional issue for me - I really want to breast feed Cora, but it's just not going to happen). Regardless of how the breast milk gets in Cora, my hormones are producing it! :)
The honesty about my emotions on this blog entry have not been conveyed in our family photos. We thoroughly enjoyed our photo session and I will cherish these photos and this time in our lives, forever... https://picasaweb.google.com/108851989931559241087/2014PinkyPromiseFamilyPhotos
Thursday night (a week ago) - Cora pulled out her tube before her 11pm feeding. It was replaced, but maybe scraped her nose because she was inconsolable until we pulled it out. Then, she took a full feed and we decided to give her the night to rest without the tube. She woke up and ate full feeds over night. Then, Friday, she got a little lazy on me and the doctor recommended we replace the tube.
Friday and Saturday - with the tube in, she took all her feeds by mouth and we just used the tube to push meds.
Sunday (Mother's Day) - Cora had a great day and took a huge feed and as I was putting the bottle down, she vomited a HUGE amount and the force pushed up her NG tube. So, I pulled out her tube and called the doc. He recommended to leave the tube out and gave some advice for administering meds and managing her volume. It's been out since!
Tuesday - Cora had a follow-up appointment at the clinic. She weighs 4Kilos or 8lbs 12oz. This weight puts her around the 7th percentile for her adjusted age. The docs are elated with this and her progress. They basically told me to try to treat her as a normal 2 month old (with meds, of course). So, this means that I should not panic if she doesn't eat a full bottle. I should approach the feedings more calmly and try to start letting her make her schedule. I should watch her diapers and not get caught up in her numbers.
After monitoring almost every breath that she takes and every milliliter that she eats, administering 20 doses of meds a day, it is impossible for me to switch gears. I am reminded of the stark contrast between Stella and Cora. Stella breast fed for 100% of feedings before I went back to work, so I had no idea how much she was getting. I let her sleep as long as she wanted and never woke her to feed her. Breast milk was the only thing that went into her mouth (other than her thumb). Stella NEVER spit-up. I want to be the relaxed, calm and happy mom for Cora that I was for Stella. I hope to get there soon! I am going to start doing the relaxation exercises that the NICU social worker set-up for me... breathe!
Same day, Tuesday - I race from Cora's appointment to take Stella to the dentist. Unfortunately, Stella has enamel hypoplasia in 2 of her molers on the bottom. She needed to have crowns placed. For the past 2 months, we've been dealing with Stella's dental issues. The first dentist we saw wanted to take her to the OR, put her under general anesthesia and place the crowns. The second dentist we saw suggested the Hall method to place the crown over the tooth without drilling, in the office - SOLD. Not only was the experience with the second dentist so much better (Stella just responded to Dr. John), but the treatment recommendation was much more palatable. Stella did awesome and now sports two shiny silver crowns, which we are saying she has "royal teeth." She's such a big girl!
I mean, dealing with all this would make any mom neurotic, right? I also still claim the fact that I'm providing breast milk for Cora (another emotional issue for me - I really want to breast feed Cora, but it's just not going to happen). Regardless of how the breast milk gets in Cora, my hormones are producing it! :)
The honesty about my emotions on this blog entry have not been conveyed in our family photos. We thoroughly enjoyed our photo session and I will cherish these photos and this time in our lives, forever... https://picasaweb.google.com/108851989931559241087/2014PinkyPromiseFamilyPhotos
I am so thrilled to hear about Cora's progress!!
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